Whew!

Well, this time went significantly better than the last treatment. I am going to try to handle work tomorrow. This time last treatment, I was still bedridden. I'm still very weak, having bouts of diarrhea and nausea, no taste buds, etc. Everything seems so surreal. It's like I can't really focus on anything mentally or visually. It's a very strange feeling. It wears me out to just get up and walk around the room. My stomach just cramps and rolls. It drives me crazy. But, I've been out of bed all day today. I sat on my butt in the living room, but I wasn't laying in bed. That can't be bad, right? Maybe it'll get better as I do more. Since I took that Neulasta shot, I shouldn't have to worry about getting a bug this week. One can only hope.

I shaved some more off my head today. The back was a little long. Every time I lay down, it would hurt my head. Kind of like when you have your hair in a ponytail high on your head all day, then you take it out and it feels like your hair hurts. I know, basically only women can understand that. But, that's the only way I can describe it.

I wish I had something witty and inspiring to say, but I don't. I really just want to go lay down. However, it looks as though I may win this round with chemo.

More chemo

I did my next treatment on November 29, 2007. Due to my white blood cell count being so low last time and me getting so sick, my onco felt I needed a Neulasta injection this time around. So, I got that November 30. They had to inject it into my belly. It is supposed to tell my bone marrow to make more white blood cells. So, naturally, a side effect will be bone pain since they'll have to up their production.

I'm incredibly tired today. But, I'm going to try to rest 30 minutes at a time instead of laying in bed all day. I can't stand that. My body is starting to go numb. Quite annoying really. But that's the only 2 things going on right now. I am waiting on that stupid Mack truck to come barrelling through the house any time now to knock me off my feet.

Kati bought me a cool Jimmie Johnson pj set last night. So, I'm decked out in blue, yellow, and 48 just hanging out for the day. Maybe it won't be as bad this time. I really hope not.

My onco also said I could wait until after Christmas for my next treatment. It was supposed to be on the 20th of December, but he took pity on me. I'm going in on December 26. So, he said I should feel really good about that time cause I'll have a few extra days of recovery. But, then I'll only have one more treatment after that.

My head is getting balder by the day. It's very cold with no hair. So, I try to wear some sort of head covering all the time. We'll see how it goes this weekend.

Chemo 1, Glenda 0

Well, chemo knocked me off my butt. It was brought to my attention that my previous post didn't give chemo the respect it deserved. When I wrote "Chemo, Shemo" I wasn't trying to say, "Ha! I beat it!" I was actually trying to psych myself up more than anything. I was waiting for the side effects to hit me. I knew they would. I was just hoping that all of the vitamins I was taking would help to combat it some. Ha! Fat lot of good that did. However, I am still taking them religiously. Tim won't let me even think about not.

Back to chemo knocking me off my butt. Literally. Saturday, following chemo, I was very tired, but otherwise okay. By Sunday morning, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. And a train. And a bus. I had major flu-like symptoms, my whole body was numb, I had a coating on my tongue, and I couldn't taste anything. Tim had to wait on me hand and foot. I wasn't capable of anything except going to the bathroom and I could barely do that. That continued through Monday. It was terrible. By Tuesday I was able to move around a bit.

Wednesday, T.J. had his first special olympics bowling competition. I had originally planned on going to that in the morning then returning to work for the rest of the day. By the time I got ready and got to the school, I was cursing that same Mack truck, train, and bus. My whole body was numb and I felt I was walking around in a surreal world. I asked my sub to stay the whole day and I let our WONDERFUL school receptionist/angel know that I wasn't going to be able to make it for the rest of the week.

I did go to special olympics, but I pretty much sat at a table and zoned out. One of my friends coined a new term. Well, new to me. Instead of being in a comatose state, I was in a chemotose state. She took a picture of me and I'm kind of afraid to see it. I probably look like one of the stars of "Dawn of the Dead." And I'm not talking about the stars that are running from the zombies, I'm talking about the zombies.

Anyway, I went bowling Thursday night with T.J. and then more special olympics Friday. By the time I was done, I had caught a bug because my white blood cell count had plummeted by Thursday. I ran a 102 temp Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately, I can't blame the Mack Truck, train, and bus for that. I ran after them and threw myself at them. This was strictly my fault.

Sunday was better. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. I only had to lay down and rest one time. Not too bad. By Monday, I was able to go to work. I actually made it through Monday and Tuesday with minimal problems. Started getting a little run down again Tuesday, but, Thank God, that was the last day of School before break.

Wednesday morning, my hair started falling out. Not much. But enough to start me worrying. Thanksgiving day, when I took a shower, it flowed out of my head and down my body with the water. I just about had a nervous breakdown. I guess Tim heard me crying, because next thing I knew he was right there with me. The drain was covered in hair. My back was covered with hair. When I washed it and pulled my hands away, there was hair all in my hands. Quite devastating. He helped me out of the shower, got the hair off of my back and put me to bed while he cleaned out the shower.

I started thinking once again, "Is this worth it?" 7%. I add 7% to my chances by going through this hell? Good God. I started telling him on Tuesday of last week that I wasn't going back. I knew I didn't mean it. I know I have to do everything in my power to save myself. So, yes, I'll go back. I just won't like it. On with my story...

After my shower ordeal, I started carefully brushing my hair. No need for that. A wad came out with each stroke. I dried it and hair fell out into the sink simply from being hit with air! I walked around for 3 days with hair coming out at every turn. It was constantly on my clothes. My head itched and ached. I could literally FEEL the hair coming out of the follicles. I had to keep going to the bathroom to brush and pull. It would feel better for a little while, then start driving me crazy again.

When we reached the conclusion that it was not going to stop, we decided to go to the wig store and check them out. By the time we got there, I had very little hair left. Well, little by my standards. Still a lot more than most people have. But, I had already begun to hate my own hair. As I was trying on wigs, the lady who was helping us told me that none of them were going to fit right because I still had enough hair that it was bunched underneath. She suggested I let her shave it then and there. She had breast cancer twice and knew what I was going through. So, we said go for it. She shaved it about the length of T.J.'s hair, about a half inch or so. I picked out a wig, blew $350 and left with my new do. And, yes, it's still falling out.

So, chemo 1, Glenda 0. I'm heading to the next round November 29. We'll see who wins this round.

Chemo, Shemo

I started chemo today. Taxotere and Cytoxin with a couple of other things to combat nausea.It only took a little over 2 hours for everything to be done, but I was there 4 hours. It was the waiting, waiting, and waiting. But, so far, so good. I didn't have any allergic reactions and no nausea. I'm very sleepy though. I think I could have slept the rest of the day when we got home. But, T.J. had bowling tonight and I didn't want to miss it. Besides, all I did was sit.

We'll see how tomorrow and the weekend go. My sister-in-law and her husband gave me a HUGE bag of vitamins, minerals, and herbs that should help me with fatigue and try to keep me well during the ordeal.

Also, doing my research, I found out that there are 4 major supplements you should take during chemo: Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Vitamin D3, and CoQ 10. All of which I now have plus 10 other things. I'm really hoping they help.

Also, my EVP3 came in today so I'm going to start using it tonight. I've got my fingers crossed.

Home again, home again

I had my port placement this morning. It only took about 10 minutes for the surgery. I woke up right out of surgery before they had a chance to remove my tube. I don't have a lot of pain, they gave me some demerol before I left. I'm doing really well, very alert, hungry, and sore. But, I feel good enough to try to make a teachers meeting at 4 today.

I start my chemo tomorrow at 9AM. They say it's going to last about 2 hours. A good friend gave me a cuddly blanket to take with me tomorrow. She has went through chemo as well and she said her blanket gave her comfort, so I'll take mine along too. One of my precious students gave me a beautiful breast cancer awareness bracelet Monday. I told her I would wear it to chemo for additional comfort. It's really nice to know you are loved.

The EVP3 I ordered is supposed to come in today, so I'll start putting that on my hair. Oh yeah, hair. I cut off 10 inches yesterday. It's up to my shoulders now. But, I love it. She also thinned it a little so there will be a little more heaviness taken off.

I'll update after chemo tomorrow. God is with me and I'm strong. We will put the breast beast out of business.

Here we go...

Time and date is set. I will have surgery November 8 to implant my port. Then I will start chemo on November 9. They said the chemo will take about 2 hours, 1 hour for each drug. I am only taking the taxotere and cytoxan. I will do 4 rounds, 1 every 3 weeks. Hopefully, it won't be too bad. However, the onco does say I will more than likely lose my hair. So, I'm gong to try chemaid and see if it works anyway. It can't hurt.

Also, I had an echocardiogram Friday. It came back ok. Nothing major. Just a little mitral valve regurgitation. I've been all through that. My daughter has it.

So, I will post when I know more.

Our decision

Well, we've made our decision. I told Tim and Kati that I realize this decision basically rests with me, but I couldn't make it myself. I needed my family to help me by giving me their input and desire. As I said before, Kati decided 80% isn't acceptable. So, needless to say, she wants me to have the chemo. Tim and I were undecided until Friday.

I called my onco to see where I fall in the intermediate range. If it's closer to low or closer to high. We felt that would help us with our decision. I found out my number in the Oncotype test is 25. 1-18 is low, 18-31 is intermediate, and 31 and above is high. That really helped. Not. 25 falls almost perfectly in the middle. Except for it's 1 unit closer to high.

So, I called Tim to tell him what my number is and as we talked we made our decision. We realized the thought of it reappearing in the next 10 years was frightening. Especially since it can come back in a different organ. We also realized our first grandbaby would be less than 10 years old if it happened. Not to mention I will probably have another 1 or 2 by then. The thought of something even worse happening that could possibly kill me and I have to leave not only my husband and children, but grandchildren as well pushed it over the edge.

I absolutely cannot wait until Avalyn arrives. That baby has no idea how much she is loved already. Her grandma and grandpa are positively giddy with excitement.

So, with all of the variables involved, we decided I needed to do everything in my power to survive. If it does reappear in the next 10 years I can safely say I did what I could. I will have no guilt and I won't be kicking myself.

Tim said when you really look at the grand scheme of things, worrying about the side effects is stupid. He didn't like the word stupid, but it really fits. Is being fatigued and possibly losing my hair really worth risking the beast coming back to haunt me in a few years? No, it's not. And, unfortunately, it wouldn't be the breast beast. I could handle that. I don't want to even think about it getting to my brain.

I'm calling my onco in the morning to give him our decision. He wants to start treatment in the next two weeks. So, I'll be having surgery to implant my port and then start chemo very quickly.