No more info

Well, I don't really know any more now than I did before I had my date with the oncologist. He pretty much told us the same thing my surgeon did. It was borderline stage II and they typically like to do chemo. However, he is having the hospital send off a sample from my tumor to California to have it tested for the liklihood of reccurence within the next 10 years. If it's a low chance, then chemo isn't really necessary. If it's an intermediate chance, his guess is as good as mine. If it's a high chance, chemo is a must. I have heard from several people that my chemo wouldn't be very strong or devastating. He said everyone gets the same chemo no matter what. Then when I told him I had had a PETscan, he wanted to know why?! I said, "to see if the cancer had spread to other organs." Duh. It really worries me that an ONCOLOGIST doesn't know the significance of a PETscan. He also said, he didn't think the surgeon took out enough tissue. He wants to take out A LOT more. I'm not sure I understand that since all of the tissue surrounding the tumor that was taken out proved negative for cancer cells. He said he was going to call my surgeon to discuss it with her. And I think I'M going to call my surgeon to discuss it with her as well.

Anyway, I have an appointment October 4 to get an echocardiogram to make sure my heart is healthy to have chemo. He's going to see what the test result is that he sent off t0 California then we'll discuss more options. If I do have to have chemo, it will be before radiation treatment. Pretty crappy. However, I'm more concerned with living than anything else.

Date with the oncologist

They have set me up an appointment with the oncologist Wednesday, September 19 at 2:45PM. He works at the Integris Cancer Center, so he's probably pretty good. We can hope. I'll post after my appointment.

Final results!

Cancer is gone! All tests came back negative for cancer, the node and the tumor. However, due to the size of my tumor, that puts me borderline stage II. I will for sure have to have radiation, but it will be for the oncologist, me and Tim to work out the chemo. The surgeon said that when you're that close to stage II, they like to do chemo. It decreases the chance of reoccurrance by 5% more than radiation alone. And due to my young age (below 50), 5% is a lot. So, who knows what will happen with that. She's going to make an appointment for me in about a week because he can't start radiation until one month out of surgery.

Also, I will take the drug Tamoxifen for five years. Joy of joys. It will send me into menopause. My daughter, Kati, is thanking heaven above that she no longer lives with me. She had always hoped she would be out before I went through menopause.

I can never take a birth control pill again that contains estrogen or any other drug containing estrogen for that matter. She told me it is really better for me to have a gynecologist instead of having my family doctor take care of the female stuff. She will take care of future mammograms and other necessary tests to make sure it's not coming back. Not that I trust mammograms too much now.

According to the surgeon, I have had breast cancer for probably 8-9 months. I had a mammogram last September and paid the extra to have it digitally read. That was supposed to find what the mammogram itself wouldn't plus the potential for anything to arise. So much for that idea.

She said my incisions looked real good even though I think the one under my arm looks hideous. I don't have to wear bandages anymore, but i'm going to wear a small piece of gauze with tape only around the edges so my wound can breathe. When I put my arm down, it's skin on skin. That don't feel good at all!

And here's something that's going to drive me crazy. Because she took out the tumor and tissue, there's an empty cavity there. It will fill up with fluid and blood. As a matter of fact, already has. When I walk I can hear fluid moving around! She said it's probably from under my arm too. They had to go in about 2-3 inches into my armpit to get to the node. So, they had to push muscle and other inhabitants of the armpit to the side to get down there. Ew. So that left a cavity that has to fill in as well. Of course, the node is only about the size of a thumbnail, but they had to dig their way down and the cavity will fill up with fluid until everything falls back into place.

All in all, I'm doing great. I feel good. I'm going back to work tomorrow. I really miss my students. I can't wait to dig into english lit. William Faulkner is waiting.

Still here

Day 5 of recovery. Whew. Who knew surgery could absolutely knock you on your butt! If I'm out of bed longer than an hour, I start coughing, breathing hard and feeling like absolute crap. Luckily, as I mentioned before, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He has taken care of me this whole time. Yes, he's going stir crazy. He's a workaholic and not working is driving him batty. But, I will never ever doubt again that I come first to him.

I'm feeling pretty good other than pushing myself too hard. I graded a couple hundred papers this weekend and then got those grades posted on the online gradebook. Today, I've just about got my syllabus finished. Tomorrow is my very first open house. I am so psyched. Of course, Tim's going with me to make sure I don't overdo it. But, I'm going to rest all day so I'll have my strength for it.

I ended up with two 4-inch incisions. One across the top of my breast and the other on the lower part of my armpit. That one hurts the most and looks most hideous. However, my breast is slightly deformed now. It didn't bother me too much until today. After my shower, I bent over in front of the mirror and realized how much tissue had been taken out. The nipples don't point in the same direction now. I broke. Kati mentioned that at least I have a nipple. And yes, there are those who have it a lot worse than I do. And I really feel pathetic for being so broken hearted about it. I'm alive and I have both breasts. What more could I ask for? Other than not having cancer in the first place. But, that's a no go, huh? So, I'm not going to start feeling sorry for myself now. Tim said the doctor said it would fill in some with fluid anyway. Ah well, the head is starting to throb again. I've been up too long. Time to rest.

I'm home!!!!

Thanks to Kati for updating my blog for me. Dr. Carter came to see me about 11 this morning. The preliminary results proved negative for cancer in my node. So far, so good. They are still going to run some more tests though. She said there is only about a 4% chance of it coming back positive.

I have to go back to see her next Thursday. If everything is ok, she'll release me to go back to work. Then she will set me up with an oncologist. However, they won't be able to start radiation until I've been out of surgery for a month. Having chemo will depend on how much of the tumor was actually cancer and if the node turns out positive. I have my fingers crossed.

Well, I'm really tired and my armpit is starting to throb again, so I think I'll lay down and rest. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for your prayers.

Surgery

So, this is Kati filling in for mom....don't panic, she's fine! Surgery went well. From what my dad told me, they removed the lump with some tissue that was the size of a golf ball approximately. They also removed a lymph node as well. The doctor said since they removed the node, she'd have to stay the night. She is NOT happy about that, but she is dealing with it. When she was put in her room she was still very groggy and in pain, but seemed okay. I'm very glad it's over with. I've been so worried about her and her having surgery. The power of prayer is amazing. Anyway, that is all I really know. I'm sure she'll post her personal update soon. Thanks for all the prayers!

Sentinal Node Mapping

I've done a little more research on the topic since I last posted. It's very interesting. This particular procedure has only been used on breast cancer patients since 1993. Before this, they would remove all of the lymph nodes under the arm. There are anywhere from 30-50 lymph nodes in the arm pits. Sounds quite painful to me. Anyway, with this new procedure, according to MD Anderson, they will inject a radioactive tracer around the tumor site. Then, during surgery the doctor will inject a blue dye around the tumor site. The lymph fluid will then carry the dye and tracer to the first lymph node or sentinal node. This is what the doctor will remove during surgery along with my lump. They will test the node for cancer. if there is no cancer present, then it has not spread through my lymph system (that's good), if there is even a miniscule amount present, most likely chemo will be necessary. I'm sure I will be pretty sore, but at least the lump will be gone and we'll find out if more treatment is necessary. If it is, then so be it. I'll deal with it like I've done the lump. We'll get rid of it.

My favorite biblical story is of footprints in the sand:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

God is carrying me now as He has so many times before. He will be with me tomorrow and always. I've told several people about my intent to have footprints tattooed around my wrist, with a cross and the words "He carries me." It was only a thought before. I may change what it looks like, but I have every intention of getting something like it or just like it after I've gone through this ordeal.