Whew!

Well, this time went significantly better than the last treatment. I am going to try to handle work tomorrow. This time last treatment, I was still bedridden. I'm still very weak, having bouts of diarrhea and nausea, no taste buds, etc. Everything seems so surreal. It's like I can't really focus on anything mentally or visually. It's a very strange feeling. It wears me out to just get up and walk around the room. My stomach just cramps and rolls. It drives me crazy. But, I've been out of bed all day today. I sat on my butt in the living room, but I wasn't laying in bed. That can't be bad, right? Maybe it'll get better as I do more. Since I took that Neulasta shot, I shouldn't have to worry about getting a bug this week. One can only hope.

I shaved some more off my head today. The back was a little long. Every time I lay down, it would hurt my head. Kind of like when you have your hair in a ponytail high on your head all day, then you take it out and it feels like your hair hurts. I know, basically only women can understand that. But, that's the only way I can describe it.

I wish I had something witty and inspiring to say, but I don't. I really just want to go lay down. However, it looks as though I may win this round with chemo.

More chemo

I did my next treatment on November 29, 2007. Due to my white blood cell count being so low last time and me getting so sick, my onco felt I needed a Neulasta injection this time around. So, I got that November 30. They had to inject it into my belly. It is supposed to tell my bone marrow to make more white blood cells. So, naturally, a side effect will be bone pain since they'll have to up their production.

I'm incredibly tired today. But, I'm going to try to rest 30 minutes at a time instead of laying in bed all day. I can't stand that. My body is starting to go numb. Quite annoying really. But that's the only 2 things going on right now. I am waiting on that stupid Mack truck to come barrelling through the house any time now to knock me off my feet.

Kati bought me a cool Jimmie Johnson pj set last night. So, I'm decked out in blue, yellow, and 48 just hanging out for the day. Maybe it won't be as bad this time. I really hope not.

My onco also said I could wait until after Christmas for my next treatment. It was supposed to be on the 20th of December, but he took pity on me. I'm going in on December 26. So, he said I should feel really good about that time cause I'll have a few extra days of recovery. But, then I'll only have one more treatment after that.

My head is getting balder by the day. It's very cold with no hair. So, I try to wear some sort of head covering all the time. We'll see how it goes this weekend.

Chemo 1, Glenda 0

Well, chemo knocked me off my butt. It was brought to my attention that my previous post didn't give chemo the respect it deserved. When I wrote "Chemo, Shemo" I wasn't trying to say, "Ha! I beat it!" I was actually trying to psych myself up more than anything. I was waiting for the side effects to hit me. I knew they would. I was just hoping that all of the vitamins I was taking would help to combat it some. Ha! Fat lot of good that did. However, I am still taking them religiously. Tim won't let me even think about not.

Back to chemo knocking me off my butt. Literally. Saturday, following chemo, I was very tired, but otherwise okay. By Sunday morning, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. And a train. And a bus. I had major flu-like symptoms, my whole body was numb, I had a coating on my tongue, and I couldn't taste anything. Tim had to wait on me hand and foot. I wasn't capable of anything except going to the bathroom and I could barely do that. That continued through Monday. It was terrible. By Tuesday I was able to move around a bit.

Wednesday, T.J. had his first special olympics bowling competition. I had originally planned on going to that in the morning then returning to work for the rest of the day. By the time I got ready and got to the school, I was cursing that same Mack truck, train, and bus. My whole body was numb and I felt I was walking around in a surreal world. I asked my sub to stay the whole day and I let our WONDERFUL school receptionist/angel know that I wasn't going to be able to make it for the rest of the week.

I did go to special olympics, but I pretty much sat at a table and zoned out. One of my friends coined a new term. Well, new to me. Instead of being in a comatose state, I was in a chemotose state. She took a picture of me and I'm kind of afraid to see it. I probably look like one of the stars of "Dawn of the Dead." And I'm not talking about the stars that are running from the zombies, I'm talking about the zombies.

Anyway, I went bowling Thursday night with T.J. and then more special olympics Friday. By the time I was done, I had caught a bug because my white blood cell count had plummeted by Thursday. I ran a 102 temp Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately, I can't blame the Mack Truck, train, and bus for that. I ran after them and threw myself at them. This was strictly my fault.

Sunday was better. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. I only had to lay down and rest one time. Not too bad. By Monday, I was able to go to work. I actually made it through Monday and Tuesday with minimal problems. Started getting a little run down again Tuesday, but, Thank God, that was the last day of School before break.

Wednesday morning, my hair started falling out. Not much. But enough to start me worrying. Thanksgiving day, when I took a shower, it flowed out of my head and down my body with the water. I just about had a nervous breakdown. I guess Tim heard me crying, because next thing I knew he was right there with me. The drain was covered in hair. My back was covered with hair. When I washed it and pulled my hands away, there was hair all in my hands. Quite devastating. He helped me out of the shower, got the hair off of my back and put me to bed while he cleaned out the shower.

I started thinking once again, "Is this worth it?" 7%. I add 7% to my chances by going through this hell? Good God. I started telling him on Tuesday of last week that I wasn't going back. I knew I didn't mean it. I know I have to do everything in my power to save myself. So, yes, I'll go back. I just won't like it. On with my story...

After my shower ordeal, I started carefully brushing my hair. No need for that. A wad came out with each stroke. I dried it and hair fell out into the sink simply from being hit with air! I walked around for 3 days with hair coming out at every turn. It was constantly on my clothes. My head itched and ached. I could literally FEEL the hair coming out of the follicles. I had to keep going to the bathroom to brush and pull. It would feel better for a little while, then start driving me crazy again.

When we reached the conclusion that it was not going to stop, we decided to go to the wig store and check them out. By the time we got there, I had very little hair left. Well, little by my standards. Still a lot more than most people have. But, I had already begun to hate my own hair. As I was trying on wigs, the lady who was helping us told me that none of them were going to fit right because I still had enough hair that it was bunched underneath. She suggested I let her shave it then and there. She had breast cancer twice and knew what I was going through. So, we said go for it. She shaved it about the length of T.J.'s hair, about a half inch or so. I picked out a wig, blew $350 and left with my new do. And, yes, it's still falling out.

So, chemo 1, Glenda 0. I'm heading to the next round November 29. We'll see who wins this round.

Chemo, Shemo

I started chemo today. Taxotere and Cytoxin with a couple of other things to combat nausea.It only took a little over 2 hours for everything to be done, but I was there 4 hours. It was the waiting, waiting, and waiting. But, so far, so good. I didn't have any allergic reactions and no nausea. I'm very sleepy though. I think I could have slept the rest of the day when we got home. But, T.J. had bowling tonight and I didn't want to miss it. Besides, all I did was sit.

We'll see how tomorrow and the weekend go. My sister-in-law and her husband gave me a HUGE bag of vitamins, minerals, and herbs that should help me with fatigue and try to keep me well during the ordeal.

Also, doing my research, I found out that there are 4 major supplements you should take during chemo: Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Vitamin D3, and CoQ 10. All of which I now have plus 10 other things. I'm really hoping they help.

Also, my EVP3 came in today so I'm going to start using it tonight. I've got my fingers crossed.

Home again, home again

I had my port placement this morning. It only took about 10 minutes for the surgery. I woke up right out of surgery before they had a chance to remove my tube. I don't have a lot of pain, they gave me some demerol before I left. I'm doing really well, very alert, hungry, and sore. But, I feel good enough to try to make a teachers meeting at 4 today.

I start my chemo tomorrow at 9AM. They say it's going to last about 2 hours. A good friend gave me a cuddly blanket to take with me tomorrow. She has went through chemo as well and she said her blanket gave her comfort, so I'll take mine along too. One of my precious students gave me a beautiful breast cancer awareness bracelet Monday. I told her I would wear it to chemo for additional comfort. It's really nice to know you are loved.

The EVP3 I ordered is supposed to come in today, so I'll start putting that on my hair. Oh yeah, hair. I cut off 10 inches yesterday. It's up to my shoulders now. But, I love it. She also thinned it a little so there will be a little more heaviness taken off.

I'll update after chemo tomorrow. God is with me and I'm strong. We will put the breast beast out of business.

Here we go...

Time and date is set. I will have surgery November 8 to implant my port. Then I will start chemo on November 9. They said the chemo will take about 2 hours, 1 hour for each drug. I am only taking the taxotere and cytoxan. I will do 4 rounds, 1 every 3 weeks. Hopefully, it won't be too bad. However, the onco does say I will more than likely lose my hair. So, I'm gong to try chemaid and see if it works anyway. It can't hurt.

Also, I had an echocardiogram Friday. It came back ok. Nothing major. Just a little mitral valve regurgitation. I've been all through that. My daughter has it.

So, I will post when I know more.

Our decision

Well, we've made our decision. I told Tim and Kati that I realize this decision basically rests with me, but I couldn't make it myself. I needed my family to help me by giving me their input and desire. As I said before, Kati decided 80% isn't acceptable. So, needless to say, she wants me to have the chemo. Tim and I were undecided until Friday.

I called my onco to see where I fall in the intermediate range. If it's closer to low or closer to high. We felt that would help us with our decision. I found out my number in the Oncotype test is 25. 1-18 is low, 18-31 is intermediate, and 31 and above is high. That really helped. Not. 25 falls almost perfectly in the middle. Except for it's 1 unit closer to high.

So, I called Tim to tell him what my number is and as we talked we made our decision. We realized the thought of it reappearing in the next 10 years was frightening. Especially since it can come back in a different organ. We also realized our first grandbaby would be less than 10 years old if it happened. Not to mention I will probably have another 1 or 2 by then. The thought of something even worse happening that could possibly kill me and I have to leave not only my husband and children, but grandchildren as well pushed it over the edge.

I absolutely cannot wait until Avalyn arrives. That baby has no idea how much she is loved already. Her grandma and grandpa are positively giddy with excitement.

So, with all of the variables involved, we decided I needed to do everything in my power to survive. If it does reappear in the next 10 years I can safely say I did what I could. I will have no guilt and I won't be kicking myself.

Tim said when you really look at the grand scheme of things, worrying about the side effects is stupid. He didn't like the word stupid, but it really fits. Is being fatigued and possibly losing my hair really worth risking the beast coming back to haunt me in a few years? No, it's not. And, unfortunately, it wouldn't be the breast beast. I could handle that. I don't want to even think about it getting to my brain.

I'm calling my onco in the morning to give him our decision. He wants to start treatment in the next two weeks. So, I'll be having surgery to implant my port and then start chemo very quickly.

2nd Opinion

We got our 2nd opinion today. He was really sharp, very knowledgeable. We liked him real well. He gave us an indepth analysis of what's going on and my options. I have several things in my favor:
1) My lymph node was negative for cancer
2) My tissue that was sent for testing showed "intermediate risk" for recurrence in 10 years. That's in my favor because it wasn't high risk.
3) My estrogen receptors are positive

Things that are not in my favor:
1) My tumor was grade 3 - meaning more aggressive
2) My growth rate was fast

One things that can be considered good or bad is the size of the tumor - 2.1 CM. That is considered medium. But anything over 1cm typically requires chemo.

If I do radiation on top of my surgery, that gives me an 80% cure rate. 20% chance of it coming back. Of course, "coming back" is not really the proper term. He said that not only can cancer move through your lymph system, it can also move through your blood. So, if even one small cancer cell broke off and moved through my blood stream, it's possible for it to show up again in another part of my body. Such as, liver, uterus, bones, lungs, brain, etc. Not good.

He made it clear that it's a no brainer to have radiation. Without it, he can't even tell me what my chances of cure are. But, they're low. WITH radiation, I have 3 options:

1) Chemo only - that brings my percentage up to 88%
2) Tamoxifen only - that brings my percentage up to 83%
3) both - that brings my percentage up to 90%

We did ask him about the heart damage issue. He said it can be an issue with adriamycin usage, but he wouldn't even consider giving me that drug with my "great" prognosis. He said heart damage occurred in about 2% of patients using that drug.

I would have to get a port surgically installed, then have chemo every 3 weeks for 3 months. A total of 4 times. Side effects can be:

nausea/vomiting
weight gain (yeah, I really need that)
weak and tired
hair loss
sores in mouth
muscle aches and pains
funny looking nails
excessive eye watering
neuropathy (not reversible)
leukemia (<1%)
allergic reactions (that can be controlled with other medication)
increase in the risk of serious infections such as pneumonia.

He said he would support us in whatever decision we make, but he thinks chemo, radiation, and tamoxifen would be the best course because I'm so young. He told us to take this weekend and think about it, then call him Monday to let him know what we want to do. Typically, they want to start some form of treatment within 2 months of surgery. I'm 2 weeks away from that anniversary.

For the first time since this whole thing started, I'm really scared. Not of the treatment, of the recurrence. It showing it's ugly head again in a few years somewhere else in my body gives me chills. I just have no idea what I'm going to do. Kati wants me to do it. She says 80% isn't good enough. I just want God to point me in the right direction.

All prayers are requested and appreciated.

Waiting

Well, it seems like forever since I posted. I've had calls from concerned friends, so I thought I would give some kind of update. We decided on a second opinion. I have an appointment with him on October 25. I still don't have the test results for my possibility of recurrence. And after reading some recent studies, I really don't think we're going to go the chemo route. It has been determined that chemo can weaken the heart and even lead to heart disease. Well, heart disease RUNS in my family. My dad died of it, my mom has congestive heart failure complete with a handy dandy pacemaker. So, no. With all of that, I don't really think chemo is an option. It would give me that extra 5%, but what would it take away? I could die of heart disease in 10 years because I had chemo. My husband and I have discussed this over and over. We'll talk to the new onco about it and see what he thinks. But, don't count on my hair falling out any time soon.

No more info

Well, I don't really know any more now than I did before I had my date with the oncologist. He pretty much told us the same thing my surgeon did. It was borderline stage II and they typically like to do chemo. However, he is having the hospital send off a sample from my tumor to California to have it tested for the liklihood of reccurence within the next 10 years. If it's a low chance, then chemo isn't really necessary. If it's an intermediate chance, his guess is as good as mine. If it's a high chance, chemo is a must. I have heard from several people that my chemo wouldn't be very strong or devastating. He said everyone gets the same chemo no matter what. Then when I told him I had had a PETscan, he wanted to know why?! I said, "to see if the cancer had spread to other organs." Duh. It really worries me that an ONCOLOGIST doesn't know the significance of a PETscan. He also said, he didn't think the surgeon took out enough tissue. He wants to take out A LOT more. I'm not sure I understand that since all of the tissue surrounding the tumor that was taken out proved negative for cancer cells. He said he was going to call my surgeon to discuss it with her. And I think I'M going to call my surgeon to discuss it with her as well.

Anyway, I have an appointment October 4 to get an echocardiogram to make sure my heart is healthy to have chemo. He's going to see what the test result is that he sent off t0 California then we'll discuss more options. If I do have to have chemo, it will be before radiation treatment. Pretty crappy. However, I'm more concerned with living than anything else.

Date with the oncologist

They have set me up an appointment with the oncologist Wednesday, September 19 at 2:45PM. He works at the Integris Cancer Center, so he's probably pretty good. We can hope. I'll post after my appointment.

Final results!

Cancer is gone! All tests came back negative for cancer, the node and the tumor. However, due to the size of my tumor, that puts me borderline stage II. I will for sure have to have radiation, but it will be for the oncologist, me and Tim to work out the chemo. The surgeon said that when you're that close to stage II, they like to do chemo. It decreases the chance of reoccurrance by 5% more than radiation alone. And due to my young age (below 50), 5% is a lot. So, who knows what will happen with that. She's going to make an appointment for me in about a week because he can't start radiation until one month out of surgery.

Also, I will take the drug Tamoxifen for five years. Joy of joys. It will send me into menopause. My daughter, Kati, is thanking heaven above that she no longer lives with me. She had always hoped she would be out before I went through menopause.

I can never take a birth control pill again that contains estrogen or any other drug containing estrogen for that matter. She told me it is really better for me to have a gynecologist instead of having my family doctor take care of the female stuff. She will take care of future mammograms and other necessary tests to make sure it's not coming back. Not that I trust mammograms too much now.

According to the surgeon, I have had breast cancer for probably 8-9 months. I had a mammogram last September and paid the extra to have it digitally read. That was supposed to find what the mammogram itself wouldn't plus the potential for anything to arise. So much for that idea.

She said my incisions looked real good even though I think the one under my arm looks hideous. I don't have to wear bandages anymore, but i'm going to wear a small piece of gauze with tape only around the edges so my wound can breathe. When I put my arm down, it's skin on skin. That don't feel good at all!

And here's something that's going to drive me crazy. Because she took out the tumor and tissue, there's an empty cavity there. It will fill up with fluid and blood. As a matter of fact, already has. When I walk I can hear fluid moving around! She said it's probably from under my arm too. They had to go in about 2-3 inches into my armpit to get to the node. So, they had to push muscle and other inhabitants of the armpit to the side to get down there. Ew. So that left a cavity that has to fill in as well. Of course, the node is only about the size of a thumbnail, but they had to dig their way down and the cavity will fill up with fluid until everything falls back into place.

All in all, I'm doing great. I feel good. I'm going back to work tomorrow. I really miss my students. I can't wait to dig into english lit. William Faulkner is waiting.

Still here

Day 5 of recovery. Whew. Who knew surgery could absolutely knock you on your butt! If I'm out of bed longer than an hour, I start coughing, breathing hard and feeling like absolute crap. Luckily, as I mentioned before, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He has taken care of me this whole time. Yes, he's going stir crazy. He's a workaholic and not working is driving him batty. But, I will never ever doubt again that I come first to him.

I'm feeling pretty good other than pushing myself too hard. I graded a couple hundred papers this weekend and then got those grades posted on the online gradebook. Today, I've just about got my syllabus finished. Tomorrow is my very first open house. I am so psyched. Of course, Tim's going with me to make sure I don't overdo it. But, I'm going to rest all day so I'll have my strength for it.

I ended up with two 4-inch incisions. One across the top of my breast and the other on the lower part of my armpit. That one hurts the most and looks most hideous. However, my breast is slightly deformed now. It didn't bother me too much until today. After my shower, I bent over in front of the mirror and realized how much tissue had been taken out. The nipples don't point in the same direction now. I broke. Kati mentioned that at least I have a nipple. And yes, there are those who have it a lot worse than I do. And I really feel pathetic for being so broken hearted about it. I'm alive and I have both breasts. What more could I ask for? Other than not having cancer in the first place. But, that's a no go, huh? So, I'm not going to start feeling sorry for myself now. Tim said the doctor said it would fill in some with fluid anyway. Ah well, the head is starting to throb again. I've been up too long. Time to rest.

I'm home!!!!

Thanks to Kati for updating my blog for me. Dr. Carter came to see me about 11 this morning. The preliminary results proved negative for cancer in my node. So far, so good. They are still going to run some more tests though. She said there is only about a 4% chance of it coming back positive.

I have to go back to see her next Thursday. If everything is ok, she'll release me to go back to work. Then she will set me up with an oncologist. However, they won't be able to start radiation until I've been out of surgery for a month. Having chemo will depend on how much of the tumor was actually cancer and if the node turns out positive. I have my fingers crossed.

Well, I'm really tired and my armpit is starting to throb again, so I think I'll lay down and rest. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for your prayers.

Surgery

So, this is Kati filling in for mom....don't panic, she's fine! Surgery went well. From what my dad told me, they removed the lump with some tissue that was the size of a golf ball approximately. They also removed a lymph node as well. The doctor said since they removed the node, she'd have to stay the night. She is NOT happy about that, but she is dealing with it. When she was put in her room she was still very groggy and in pain, but seemed okay. I'm very glad it's over with. I've been so worried about her and her having surgery. The power of prayer is amazing. Anyway, that is all I really know. I'm sure she'll post her personal update soon. Thanks for all the prayers!

Sentinal Node Mapping

I've done a little more research on the topic since I last posted. It's very interesting. This particular procedure has only been used on breast cancer patients since 1993. Before this, they would remove all of the lymph nodes under the arm. There are anywhere from 30-50 lymph nodes in the arm pits. Sounds quite painful to me. Anyway, with this new procedure, according to MD Anderson, they will inject a radioactive tracer around the tumor site. Then, during surgery the doctor will inject a blue dye around the tumor site. The lymph fluid will then carry the dye and tracer to the first lymph node or sentinal node. This is what the doctor will remove during surgery along with my lump. They will test the node for cancer. if there is no cancer present, then it has not spread through my lymph system (that's good), if there is even a miniscule amount present, most likely chemo will be necessary. I'm sure I will be pretty sore, but at least the lump will be gone and we'll find out if more treatment is necessary. If it is, then so be it. I'll deal with it like I've done the lump. We'll get rid of it.

My favorite biblical story is of footprints in the sand:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

God is carrying me now as He has so many times before. He will be with me tomorrow and always. I've told several people about my intent to have footprints tattooed around my wrist, with a cross and the words "He carries me." It was only a thought before. I may change what it looks like, but I have every intention of getting something like it or just like it after I've gone through this ordeal.

Finally. Surgery.

They called today. My lumpectomy is scheduled for Wednesday, September 5 at 10:45 AM. Exactly one month from the day I found the lump. They are going to do a lumpectomy and remove a lymph node from my armpit for testing. It will be outpatient surgery, so I won't have to stay all night! Thank God! He told me to expect to be off work for a week. As soon as I get home from surgery that day, I need to call the surgeons office and schedule my stitch removal for the next Tuesday. I will be so glad to get this over with. But, I thank God that it didn't spread or get as bad as it could. It is only because of Amy encouraging me to do self exams and ultimately the prayers of everyone that made it go so smooth. Thank you all.

RESULTS!!!!

The cancer has not spread!!! It is centrally located in my right breast. They are going to call me to set up surgery sometime this week! What a relief!

Still waiting...

Ok. I'm still waiting for my results, but in the meantime a good friend of mine is having surgery tomorrow for her breast cancer. Amy has already been through her chemo. Now, she is undergoing a mastectomy. For those of you who read my blog, but don't know Amy, please keep her in your prayers. It's going to be a long surgery for her tomorrow. She is one of the greatest, sweetest souls I know. I know that God will be with her. She is one of the greatest testimonies and miracles that I have seen.

I should get my test results in the morning. My and Amy's surgeon isn't doing surgery on Amy til noon, so maybe she'll call with my test results before she goes onto Amy. If so, I will post as soon as I get home tomorrow, unless I can access the blog from work.

Hurry up and wait!

We rushed me through all of the doctor appointments and testing and now I have to wait until next week to get my results. They were ready Friday, but my surgeon was in Texas at a breast cancer conference/seminar or something so I'll have to wait til she's back to call me. However, she's doing surgery on my friend Monday morning so I don't know when she'll get to my test results.

I did receive a notice that my LEFT breast is cancer free. Woo hoo! However, I knew that anyway. The surgeon has already gotten authorization from my insurance company to do a lumpectomy. So, if that's what the PETscan shows, then we'll be doing surgery within a week or so. Call me crazy, but I'm kinda hoping for the "or so." This is our last year for Moore War and this whole coming week is spirit week. Not to mention, next Friday IS Moore War. My last time to officially wear my camo. I really don't want to miss it. Especially since this is my first year as a teacher.

Oh, and a side note, I got my teacher certificate today! I'm a full fledged teacher now. I will get my first paycheck this week.

Anyway, back to cancer. I'm wondering if Dr. Carter would flip out if I asked her to postpone surgery until the first of September? I think my husband would. So, I told him, if they do surgery early next week and I'm out of the hospital by Friday, I'm hooking up T.J.'s electric chair and Tim is taking me to the Moore War assembly Friday morning! He kind of rolled his eyes at me. But, we'll see who wins this one. I'll keep ya posted!

More tests

I have been set up for a PETscan Thursday morning at 6am. The PETscan will show whether or not my lump is malignant or benign. It will also tell if there is lymph node involvement. It scans my whole body to see if cancer is present anywhere besides the breast. Then I will go at 2:30pm Thursday to have my breast MRI. This will determine if the cancer has spread further into my breast or into the chest wall. After I get my results back, the doctor will call to set up a time for surgery. Provided, of course, that the cancer has not spread. If it has, we will have to make an appointment with her to set up a new game plan.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I'm going to work as soon as the PETscan is complete, then leaving work early to have the mri. I have a feeling we will have Chez Bueno for dinner. I can't wait til this is all over. My whole body hurts from stress. But, I still have the peace of God with me.

I told my students what I'm going through because I thought they had a right to know. Someone asked me how I could laugh at a time like this. I told him that I knew everything was going to be fine. Another student asked if I could guarantee her that I would be okay. Once again, I said I knew everything was going to be fine. I would be back in no time to make their life miserable with english. Little do they realize they are part of the reason I can smile and laugh. I'm loving life right now. I have everything I ever wanted. Except for a grandbaby and that's on the way. What more could I ask for? This is a just a bump (no pun intended) in the road.

Away we go...

Tim and I had our first appointment with the surgeon my pcp referred me to. We went in with every intention of letting her know we would be going for a second opinion. However, once we met her, we realized this lady knows her stuff. She is a very knowledgeable and confident doctor. She's a general surgeon but she said breast cancer is what she does. She wants to eventually have her own breast care center. So, we were sold.

She went over my test results and pretty much told us exactly what we already knew. The size of my tumor is about 3cm x 2cm. She is setting up a PETscan and breast MRI to be done within the next week. The PETscan will view my whole body and let her know if there is cancer anywhere else or if it has spread to my nodes. If I'm lucky and it's nowhere else, she is hopeful to do breast-conserving surgery. Which is basically a lumpectomy. They will remove the lump and any breast tissue surrounding the lump. I was a little unsure if any reconstruction would be involved in this surgery. This is what I get for not writing down my questions. If there is reconstruction, it will be done at the same time. Then I will follow up with radiation therapy and possibly chemotherapy. That is the call of the oncologist.

Now, if the monster has spread, there is the possibility of a mastectomy. Nasty business that one. They have to remove EVERYTHING and then you have to be reconstructed. Then chemo for sure. I'm not fond of that idea. I know, I know, my life is more important. I agree. However, the thought of losing my breast and hair is worrisome. My wonderful husband has informed me that we will do whatever is necessary to repair anything to my liking and, of course, my hair will grow back. Mind you, I WILL do whatever is necessary. I will just gripe in the process.

I'm not crying and moping around depressed over this. I've been through many challenges in my life. Some people know about, some don't. I've learned to be a fighter. I will fight this with every fiber of my being and win.

I hope I've answered all questions. If not, send me a post and I'll post again. Otherwise, I will let you know when my PETscan and MRI will be. She said that the tests and surgery will all take place in the next 2 weeks. I'm cool with that. I'm ready to get this beast out of my breast.

Test Results

On August 5, I found a lump in my breast. I called the doctor first thing Monday morning, August 6 to schedule an appointment. I went in Tuesday, August 7. He wasn't sure what the lump was, but set me up for a mammogram and ultrasound for Friday, August 10. The doctor stated the lump was "worrisome." It was a solid mass, but small. He felt an immediate biopsy was necessary. I was kind of thrown, but I didn't break down. My first thought was for my family. My beautiful daughter is pregnant with her first baby, my son is disabled and won't completely understand what's going on and my husband...well, he's the best husband in the world. I was most scared of his reaction. I didn't want to upset him. But, I digress.

They, in turn, set me up for a biopsy on Monday August 13. I was scared to death. I don't like needles in the first place. My husband, Tim, took off work to go with me. Did I mention he's the best husband in the world? Total workaholic. But, apparently, I'm more important than work. Pretty darn amazing. Anyway, I digress again. I had teachers meetings and needed to set up my room or "cart" to be ready for my students the next day. So, the wonderful people at the Breast Care Center set up my appointment for my lunch hour on Monday so I wouldn't miss so much.

They gave me a valium to take at the center but after discussing it with Tim, I realized I had to go back to work and meetings. I didn't want to be loopy, so we decided against the valium. Wish I had taken the valium. Biopsies are awful. He deadened me, then made a small 1/4" incision so he could insert the needle. Did I say needle? I meant jack hammer. Or it seemed like one. He inserted it 5 times. 4 samples and once to place a tiny piece of metal on my lump so the surgeon would know where to go at the time of surgery. They had already determined that surgery would be needed whether it was cancer or not. They ended up having to place cold compresses on my neck and forehead so I wouldn't pass out and they raised my legs up. It was awful.

But that was nothing compared to the phone call the next day, telling me the biopsy showed aggressive Invasive Ductal Carcenoma. Sounds bad, huh? Well, it basically means that I do have cancer, it's agressive, it started in the duct and has broken out and invaded the surrounding cells. Now, I heard aggressive and wanted to puke. Lucky for me, but unlucky for her, I have a friend who just went through this mess. She told me aggressive is good. It's better treatable. Whew! I love that girl. She also gave me her copy of Breast Cancer for Dummies. I've read quite a bit of it already. Very informative.

Unfortunately, at this time, that's all I know. I'm going to meet with a surgeon Tuesday, August 21. It is the same surgeon who is doing the mastectomy for my friend. I'm positive I'll have to have surgery. If for nothing else than to remove the lump. Hopefully it hasn't spread to my nodes.

God has led me to Westmoore High School to teach. He has plans for my life and they don't include cancer or dieing. He didn't give me cancer, but he sent many to pray for me and someone to help me through it. He always provides a way. I'm scared and a little worried. But with God and the support system I have, I can scale mountains. I'll come through this mess and I'll be a better person in the end. In the immortal words of my good friend who had breast cancer (but NOT NOW!) cancer sucks.